My Rollercoaster Story: Taking Control of the Ride

Life can change in an instant, sending you on a ride you never chose to board. Mine changed on my birthday in 2011 when my youngest daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Suddenly, I was strapped into an emotional rollercoaster that wouldn't stop—no operator, no emergency brake, just endless loops of grief and anger that lasted nearly seven years.

My rage toward the world was all-consuming. I pushed away everyone who tried to help, my wounded heart leaving no relationship untouched. It wasn't until my remaining daughter asked, "Mom, don't you see me anymore?" that I realized how lost I'd become. The truth was, I didn't see anyone—I couldn't even see myself through the blur of tears and pain.

No one else was wearing my shoes or walking my path. How could they understand what I was feeling when I couldn't make sense of it myself? It's every parent's nightmare, one you're never supposed to face. But there I was, riding this horrific coaster with no way off.

The First Climb: Facing Reality

After months of studying mental health and grief, I began to understand my rollercoaster ride. Just like that first steep climb on a coaster, acknowledging my emotions was terrifying but necessary. I had to face the reality that she was gone, that my life had forever changed. Each new understanding was another click-click-click up that towering incline.

The Freefall: Embracing the Pain

The hardest part? Letting myself feel everything. I wanted to talk about my loss, but people didn't want to see me cry—and crying was all I could do. Seven years passed, and the world moved on while I was still stuck on my ride. My social circle diminished to nothing, my real estate career derailed. Starting over felt impossible, yet it was my only choice.

The Loop-de-Loop: Finding Balance

Healing, I learned, is like navigating a complex series of loops. Sometimes you're upside down, disoriented, struggling to find your balance. But each loop teaches you something:

• It's okay to feel lost

• Grief has no timeline

• Healing isn't linear

• Your emotions are valid

The Final Turn: Coming Home to Myself

Today, I spend much of my time alone, but it's different now. I've found inner peace within my heart and mind to live forward while accepting the loss of my adult child. The rollercoaster hasn't stopped—it never will—but I'm no longer just a passenger being thrown around by its twists and turns. I've learned to lean into the curves, to brace for the drops, to breathe through the loops.

Living Forward

Life's emotional rollercoaster doesn't come with a manual, but it does come with choices. We can either fight against every turn, or we can learn to ride with purpose and grace. While I'll never celebrate this journey, I've learned to use it to help others navigate their own rides through grief and trauma.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is simply stay on the ride, knowing that each turn brings us closer to understanding, each climb leads to new perspective, and each descent carries us toward healing. It's not about getting off the rollercoaster—it's about learning to ride it with courage, wisdom, and eventually, peace.

Full Speed Ahead: Practical Steps to Embrace the Ride

1. Create a Safe Space to Scream (or Feel)
   Before you hop on the ride, make sure your seatbelt is secure. Emotionally, this means creating a safe place to let out your feelings. Whether that’s journaling, venting to a friend, or talking to a therapist, give yourself permission to feel the highs and lows in a supportive space.

2. Label Your Emotions—Call Them Out!
   When the coaster drops, you know what’s happening. Do the same with your emotions. Instead of saying, “I’m upset,” get specific. Are you feeling betrayed? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Labeling emotions helps you get a grip on them, just like knowing when the next twist is coming.

3. Mindfulness: Feel Every Turn
   When the rollercoaster jerks you around, don’t fight it. Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware. Feel the emotions—don’t run from them. Notice where they hit you. Does the sadness feel like a weight in your chest? Is anger making your head pound? Observe it, accept it, and keep riding.

4. No Judgment Zone
   Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. Just like the rollercoaster isn’t “wrong” for having wild turns, your emotions aren’t wrong for being intense. Don’t judge yourself for feeling angry, sad, or frustrated. Instead, remind yourself that these emotions are a normal part of life’s wild ride.

5. Take Your Time—Enjoy the Ride
   Every rollercoaster has its ups and downs, and the ride to emotional healing isn’t over in one swoop. Don’t rush through your feelings. Some turns take longer to navigate, and that’s okay. Trust the process, and give yourself all the time you need to ride it out.

The Thrill of Letting Go

Once you acknowledge and accept your emotions, the real magic happens. You start to feel lighter, like you’re coming to the end of the rollercoaster, exhilarated and somehow more alive. Letting go is the ultimate thrill—you’re no longer trapped in the past, reliving the same ride repeatedly. Instead, you’ve ridden through the pain, faced every twist and turn, and emerged stronger.

This doesn’t mean you forget the ride or pretend it didn’t happen. The rollercoaster is part of your journey, but it doesn’t control you anymore. Knowing you’ve conquered it, you’re free to walk away from it. You’ve faced the emotional rollercoaster, and you’ve come out the other side with strength, wisdom, and a heart ready for whatever comes next.

Moving Forward: The Next Ride Awaits

Life is full of rollercoasters, and each one teaches you something new. You’re ready for the next adventure once you’ve mastered acknowledging and accepting your emotions. The next time the coaster starts climbing, you’ll be ready—hands up, eyes wide open, and heart prepared to face whatever comes.

So go ahead, buckle in, feel the rush, and enjoy the ride. You’ve got this!